i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
