The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
