I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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