BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize