"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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