We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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