is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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