I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
