the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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