having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
