Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
