we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
