I want to make a zoo with you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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