remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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