this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
