apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
