I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
