I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
