she was so not down for the gang bang
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
