You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
