I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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