On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Never underestimate the power of titties
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
