I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize