I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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