to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
