there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
