is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
