I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
