All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My life is pants optional.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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