i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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