Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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