I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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