she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
