you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
