Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
