I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Green mimosas i think yes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
