DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
