i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize