I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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