Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
