hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
