I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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