So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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