He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
