woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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