Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
