my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
