I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
