I wanna passion pit in your ass
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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