He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
