I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
zippers are such a cool invention
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
