How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize