Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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