Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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