From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
