Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
