Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
North Korea, Best Korea!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
