If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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