so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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