So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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