i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
