Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
