I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
