My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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