why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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