Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
