I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
