cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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