i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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