Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
