Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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