Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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