were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
