tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
