I think I am morally bankrupt
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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