3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize