Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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