I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
