There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
